Writing Exercise 9- Morgan DeWitt

You Put a College Girl on a Farm

(My first time holding a chicken)

You take a college girl out of her territory and stick her on a farm, you take a lifeguard from her sitting post and stick her on a farm, you take an 18 year old girl from her cell phone and put her on a farm, you take a hometown honey from her town and put her on a farm, you take a girl who’s never had to harvest her own dinner and you put her on a farm, how many different ways can I tell you I’d had never been to farm before this picture was taken?

Before you pack up your bags and head down the winding roads to Milwaukee allow me to tell you the story of the silly white girl on the farm. Muhammed Ali once said, “A rooster only crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he’ll never crow. I have seen the light and I’m crowing.” Muhammed Ali sure did sum up all my thoughts on my conquest to Milwaukee. For one thing, the theory about chickens crowing at the break of dawn is true, I can confirm it. For another thing, it might have been the chickens or the experience but landing in a farm was a wakeup call.

As soon as the first chicken did its thing the whole place was up at em’. I guess you could take one look at me and tell I was not use to this because a little Asian harvesting bean sprouts took one look at me and squeaked out two words, “You tired!” He got a real chuckle out of that one.

Here I was, spending my spring break on a farm ready to take on the makings of salad.

I will never look at a salad the same way again. If you google, “how to make a salad” the first result will tell you very confidently, “Use your hands or two large spoons to gently turn the greens over in the bowl until they're well coated. Taste a leaf and add a little oil, vinegar, salt, or pepper until the salad is seasoned correctly. Serve the salad immediately or the dressing will cause it to wilt.” I’m here to tell you this is bullshit. I’ll give you the real instructions on how to make a salad.

First, you’re going to need compost. So roughly 3-8 months before you eat your salad, you’re going to need to think about making your compost.

Second, you need to make sure the soil is 70 degrees. Have fun figuring that one out.

Third, you’ll need to pick out at least 10 different types of seeds that will grow ideally in your environment. Those 10 might not even work so be prepared for failure after 3-8 months of waiting for your salad.

Fourth, you’ll have to start your seed.

Fifth, you have to make sure your plants don’t get stressed out by keeping their soil moist. This requires working every day, yes, even the weekends so if you aren’t ready for the commitment you aren’t ready for salad.

Sixth, did you think we left climate in step two and never thought about it again? Wrong. When it’s colder than your salad likes you’ll need to warm it up and when it’s too hot you’ll need to cool it down. It’s not as easy as putting a blanket on or jumping in a pool, either.

Seventh, wow, months later, you’re ready to harvest!

Eighth, yeah, sorry we aren’t done. If you really want to make another salad, that’s a whole another 9 or 10 steps. Maybe you can catch that in my next story.

You want salad dressing? Another 10 steps.

You want croutons? Another 10 steps.

You want eggs? Another 10 steps.

Bacon Bits? Another 10 steps.

Onions? Another 10 steps.

Green peppers? Another 10 steps.

The point is, I’ll never look at salad the same way again. Thank you Milwaukee, for allowing me to see the light.